Journal entry 1


If I had written one single page every day, I would have finished a novel as long as my life.

But it hasn’t been the case. My 400 page novel is still unfinished, and my life lacks a purpose.

That’s why I am making a public commitment to write, not out of despair to finish my novel, but only because writing has always been a true source of happiness. After all, shouldn’t happiness be the only goal for any human being?

But who am I kidding? Happiness is just a word, a word like God, or Pneumono­ultra­microscopic­silico­volcano­coniosis, something we’d never understand.

We wake up, we go to work, come back home, eat and sleep. If anything disturbs this primitive rhythm we might feel as a failure.

Where I work, everything has a specific place, especially people. They exist in this limited space, beyond reach. As I pass them by, I feel to be part of a colony of virtual humans, or even ghosts in a modern sense of the term. We smile at each other, and say hi and goodbye, and if any of us sneezes, everyone would bless the voice of sneezing, because we don’t have a face or a name or a head. We are just a bunch of voices greeting one another. If one day one of us disappear, we would share the emptiness that this departure has created. We get along, yet we don’t know each other. Almost as if we don’t exist.

It is a virtual world. Nothing has a true meaning, everything has a specific purpose. Nothing has a depth, yet everything’s layered, or as they like to call ”nuanced”.


About lifeacrossthesun

Writer/ 2011 PEN USA Emerging Voices fellow
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4 Responses to Journal entry 1

  1. Dear Azarin,
    I keep returning here, hoping to find something by you.
    I miss your writing. Maybe I even need it at the moment like the scent of forests or the lapping of water.
    Please write something again. Or if you have (and are) please send a link and show me where to look.

    Ryszard Antolak

    • Since you asked, dear Ryszard, I am going to post the prologue of my novel.:-)
      I am not yet sure if the novel needs a prologue or not.
      I will keep it posted for a short time but I will remove later.

      I hope you would like it.

  2. Dear Azarin,
    Thank you so much.
    I read the introduction to your novel, which you posted here recently, and was immediately drawn by the assured voice and musical rhythm of the prose. But it was far too short a fragment!

    I would love to read all of it, one day (soon). Please.


    • Thank you, dear Ryszard, for reading the introduction!
      I will definitely send you longer chapters, once I feel they are ready. After a few years of obsession over things that didn’t really matter I am finally back to my novel. Hopefully I will finish it soon, and I could send you a copy.


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